A COLLECT FOR THOSE WHO FREQUENTLY DROP FOOD UPON THEMSELVES

Almighty God,
Author of peas, lover of consommé,
Thy viscosity is beyond our understanding.
Grant that by the power of thy Holy Spirit,
Those who doth sloppeth their meals uponst themselves,
May be won to purity of clothing.
And that ridded of all stains, both physical and spiritual,
Gain entry to thine eternal kingdom,
where food shall spoileth trousers no more,
Amen.