A COLLECT FOR THE MINISTRY OF TRANSPORT CAR TEST (M.O.T)

Gracious God,
Who hast given unto thy servants that most excellent gift of transport,
visit we beseech thee the internal combustion engine of our cars,
That both inwardly and outwardly, they may continue to speed thy people on,
To do thy just works,
And for thy sake gracious God, saveth the pennies of thy elect,
so that they may be used unto thy service.
For the loveth of God, please passeth.
and guide our mechanical bretheren (and sisteren) with thy wisdom and discernment.
Please. Please. Please pass.
Amen(eth) 

A COLLECT FOR THOSE WHO FREQUENTLY DROP FOOD UPON THEMSELVES

Almighty God,
Author of peas, lover of consommé,
Thy viscosity is beyond our understanding.
Grant that by the power of thy Holy Spirit,
Those who doth sloppeth their meals uponst themselves,
May be won to purity of clothing.
And that ridded of all stains, both physical and spiritual,
Gain entry to thine eternal kingdom,
where food shall spoileth trousers no more,
Amen.